I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
