Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
