As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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