Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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