Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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