dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
