...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
