If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
