Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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