i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
