I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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