I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
