I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
