I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
