ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
this just has baby written all over it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
