is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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