their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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