just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
