i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
