this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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