Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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