My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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