I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
