Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
