that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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