i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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