3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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