gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
