My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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