The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
