I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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