so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
