The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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