I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
