I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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