we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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