my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
