I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
