Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
