Porn is love you can see.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
