i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
