wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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