i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
