Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
