The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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