last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Alive.
So much puke
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
