Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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