Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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