I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
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