Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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