Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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