I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
