You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
