Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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