btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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