I think I died a long time ago.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
