Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
