SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
