So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
