Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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