just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
