I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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