Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
