If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
